Doorway One

Return to the present moment.


pg 22, Mindful Recovery: A Spiritual Path to Healing from Addiction.
You can get overwhelmed by memories of the past, worries about the future, and other distractions. When that happens, you may be in danger of relapse. By bringing a gently, compassionate awareness to your surroundings, your thoughts, and your feelings, you will discover that your need to engage in addictive behavior diminishes.

Seeing the magic of the ordinary.
"The foundation of happiness is mindfulness. The basic condition for being happy is our consciousness of being happy if we are not aware that we are happy, we are not really happy. When we have a toothache, we know that not having a toothache is a wonderful thing. But when we do not have a toothache, we are still not happy."

 -Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step (1991)

I've often heard in the rooms of recovery, "If you have one foot in the past and one foot in the future, you are pissing all over today." I know that is a nasty analogy, but it does make one think!

pg. 28

Enlightenment is not some thing that you can grasp and claim like a trophy. Enlightenment is being where you are, being present. Right here. Right now.

To be mindful is to be gently aware....Mindfulness heals the past and cares for the future in the only time in which it is possible to do this: the present moment.

pg. 29

Human beings are hardwired to avoid pain and seek pleasure....Addicted individuals see the easy way out. They learn to turn off their pain by dulling it, rather than face it, learn its lessons, and do something to make things better.

Mindfulness is quite different. Mindfulness is detached in the sense that our focus is not narrowed solely by our desire to seek pleasure and avoid pain. It is a warm, caring awareness.. it is compassion toward self and others. It is an awareness that finds dealing tin what is, and is not so completely occupied with what we think it should be. It is an awareness that is soft an open.

pg 30

Mindfulness is fundamental to the wisdom of the Buddha. In fact the word Buddha itself means "one who is awake," one who is mindful. The rest of us, who are awake only at times, are part-time Buddhas. Though there are many people who have moments of clarity and mindfulness, a true Buddha is one who is this way continually, moment after moment. The more awake you are, the more you can melt frozen behavior patterns that keep you stuck in repetitive, negative cycles.

Practice Returning to Now

Be aware of your breathing

     Urges: Handle with care - an urge is a signal: something is wrong, out of balance. There is something in your life that needs attention. Once you are aware, you have choices that were not possible when you were unaware.

     Facing Life - it is painful at times to look at what is and be present with it. whether "what is" means uncomfortable feelings, or a sense that one has had enough of something that brings pleasure. Because of this, we seek distraction, diversion, entertainment, or some sort of project--anything to move away from the painful awareness that what is not what we want it to be.

Reclaim the Magic

     Drugs don't have the magic, you do - I have the magic to relax, to be sociable, to be a sexual woman.

Establish Moments of Mindfulness

     In absolutely every 'chore' throughout the day, be present.

Stop Making Hope an Obstacle

     That is part of the future thing....I will be happy when....BE PRESENT!!!

Recognize Enough

     Devote at least one day to mindfulness of when you have had enough of something, and as much as practically possible, stop the activity at that point.

Big Idea: Remember the Miracle of the Ordinary

      

Mindfulness

from the book Mindful Recovery: A Spiritual Path to Healing from Addiction

pg 13/14: Mindfulness is a quality of openness, of present—moment awareness and acceptance. Mindfulness is experiencing this moment, this very one, the only one that exists. Mindful living is not living in the future or dwelling in the past.  It is also not about recriminations when you find yourself in the past or in the future.  Mindfulness is about getting in touch with your spiritual essence, your true nature.

Mindfulness allows you to be open to your pain so you can learn its lessons and get your life back into harmony, into Tao.

Because addicted people get caught in unawareness, using drugs rather than face what hurts, mindfulness provides a gentle way to begin to face the pain.

Mindfulness helps in two ways:

First, by being mindful, by being aware of the state of your body, emotions and environment, you receive clear signals concerning what is out of balance and what hurts

Mindfulness also helps by putting you back in touch with the simple pleasure of being alive.

Pg 15:

...you fail to live the actual moments of your life because you instead are always trying to get some other, better moment. You never live, but you are always planning to live.

My Hope

My hope is that I have a place to write out my increasing awareness of the world around me.

I want to have a place to keep quotes from material I am reading, things I encounter during my day, and a place to put a living history, if you will.

I am currently reading the following books:
How Al-Anon Works for Families or Friends of Alcoholics
Mindful Recovery: A Spiritual Path to Healing from Addiction

I have recently become aware that my life path was greatly shaped by growing up in a home with an alcoholic father. I have continued to react to life instead of live it. I have tried to shape or control many who are in my life and that is due to how I 'was taught' to live. When I read the Al-Anon book, I see myself as that young girl/young woman and how his disease spilled over into our family structure. Dysfunctional family is a mild term to use! I have absolutely no relationship to my brother who has used drugs and alcohol to cope with his life and my relationship with my mother is very strained, at best.

The reason I am reading Mindful Recovery is that I want to establish a more mindful approach to life and be an active participant: not someone on the sidelines. I have been a food addict for almost my whole life, using food to celebrate, soothe, smother and escape feelings of pain. I also have a problem with alcohol and do consider myself an alcoholic, especially with the obsessive and compulsive thoughts regarding alcoholic beverages. For me, food and alcohol go hand-in-hand.

Hope. I first started having hope about my food addiction about ten years ago. I purchased the Leslie Sansone walking tapes, hoping that I would be able to lose weight. That didn't really work. I have joined and re-joined Weight Watchers numerous times over the last 35 years. It works for a while, but then I gain it all back. I went to Compulsive Eaters Anonymous - HOW (CEA-HOW) two years ago and lost 70 lbs. That was working. But then I gave up that really restrictive diet, got out of the habit of journaling/answering questions posed in the program guide, didn't call my sponsor and started binge drinking again. I gained back 60 of those pounds. I have to do something different!

A friend said recently, "It's an inside job," I have to figure out what the pain is, deal with it, and get on with living. I'm hoping that working the program of Al-anon, establishing a meditative practice, and becoming more mindful of each and everything in life I will overcome this food addiction and alcohol obsession.

Here's to HOPE!